Parenting books, helpful or a one way ticket for a guilt trip? The baby books...

If I am doing something new I like to "read the book" - this is the case whether I am getting married, growing veg or having a baby! Before our first child was born I had read The Contented Little Baby Book by Gina Ford and The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg and I regularly refer to Dr Christopher Green's Toddler Taming as much for solace and entertainment as for solutions - as anyone who saw my children running around, shouting in the shops yesterday will testify!

The first of these volumes is controversial.

Childless Gina Ford focusses on routine from the very start even suggesting breakfast time for Mum and that a sleeping baby be woken according to the routine. Almost all Mum's have an opinion on Gina's methods, I know people who she gave confidence and peace of mind to and others who hated everything the book suggested ( I would consider both Mums to be great parents.) Personally I think there are valid ideas and suggestions in it but it is not for every baby and parent. My babies were demand fed but I found loosely following the routine useful at the start to encourage baby to feed more during the day and therefore less at night. Our first night home from the hospital left us tearful (me), and shaken (the Rugby Player) looking at the the public health nurse in the morning thinking we had just made a huge mistake. A brief review of the opening chapters of the book reminded me that if baby doesn't feed during the day enough they will need to feed more at night (some night feeds are unavoidable, and this sounds very logical now but in the confused, shell shocked, exhausting first days of parenthood, sometimes the obvious needs to be pointed out.)  I also stuck rigidly to disturbing baby as little as possible at night, dim/no light, no conversation, no eye contact, changing only if absolutely necessary. These tips were all gleaned from Gina's book and I do think that they encourage baby to understand that nighttime is for sleeping, your basic needs will be looked after but that's it!

I learnt from the Tracy Hogg book too, little things that assimilated into my baby experience that I probably (unfairly) take credit for deducing myself, because the more gentle Baby Whisperer methods rarely causes arguements  I've never needed to specify what I liked about it. The one that I do specifically remember is to momentarily step back when baby appears to be distressed and look and think before acting. As I am fond of my bed I particularly liked this one at night when baby started to grizzle as sometimes it's just that " a little grizzle" which passes, not needing Mum to leap instantly from the bed.

If you're expecting, it's a great time to read these. You are not sleep deprived (hopefully), you are not being subjected to conflicting advice from family and friends yet (if you think you are - just you wait, until baby arrives!) It is a good time to start a "selective dismissal" habit, this is the only way to avoid the guilt trips that parenting books, tv programmes and the afore mentioned advice can induce. It is a great survival skill enabling you to read and listen to lots and gain tips useful for you and your family while dismissing those that you don't agree with or that seem inapropriate to you and your child.

Combining "selective dismissal" and an open mind gives you the confidence to read books, websites, do courses, attend seminars and even phone friends that may give you great encouragement. Remember that not all advice is for every baby or every parent, but among it maybe a gem that will make life easier. So, on that note - take from this post what suits you!

I'm currently reading Nurtureshock - it's fascinating. Watch this space...

Comments

[Notenoughhoursmum]

Spot on Cleansheets! - Probably the most honest account of parenting books I've read. The fact is whether you follow religiously or take an al a carte approach to parenting books - they can serve a purpose - to reassure, inform, or simply provide light relief. I was an absolute unyielding follower of Gina Ford with my DS1, to my delight it suited my personality which craved order & control & timetables, although I'm pretty sure there were few around me who appreciated the uncompromising routines - but it didn’t matter to me because mum was happy & therefore baby was happy. On my second I briefly opened the first chapter & quickly closed it again....2 years had given me more confidence than a book ever could, I was more relaxed & DS2 was a different person needing a different approach, fed on demand during the day, he still slept like a dream at night! This time round it was ala carte. I definitely went through a couple of months with DS1 where I was blinded by the logistics & drove everyone mad, but as my confidence grew I let go a little...looking back it seems all pretty normal for a 1st time mum. Now though I'd still flick through David Coleman’s book & check his advice on sibling rivalry & other big kid stuff, I think it’s all good in moderation - They all say one thing though thats really good advice - Remember to trust your instincts!

[Cleansheets]

Notenoughhours, I don't have David Coleman's book but love to listen to him on the radio (Newstalk on Wednesdays with Sean Moncrieff) and his TV programmes. We even applied to go on 21st Century Child and I'd recommend going to see him "live" if you ever have the oppurtunity, we went to a presentation once and it was broad ranging and really practical.

[Jordan retro 10]

Just as people said, "life is like a book, how would you like to write, it's what kind of guide. So our personal attitude determines life. Certainly, we should really go through alot more meaningful publication, it can give us inspiration.